Openess is the Courterforce of Arrogance

This longing for a significant other, not focusing on sexual relationships, is very interesting. I mean i feel this longing, i can identify it, but could it ever be fulfilled? It doesn't seem so. I understand that if i were to find someone who appreciated me enough to look past my scattered emotions and thoughts then there is little else i would look for. But that is coming from a perspective based in the present, and as a human, i horribly misjudge the way i'll feel about things later. I know i'll never have trouble loving another person, because i can't help but love almost every person i meet. Once that feeling is absent for so long, its difficult for me to gauge. So because of this, when people accept me then im immediatly drawn to them, generally ending in reality, starting in illusion.

Therefore, I understand that if there is such a thing as destiny, or that special someone meant for just me, then our meeting is inevitable. Always remain impartial to the emotion, feel it, understand it, but do not devour it. I'll watch, that's pretty much all i do anyway, and see where the next road takes me or us if it be the case. But anyway, i can't say that i can base anything on the idea that a person is meant to be with me forever. That implies a predetermined life, which makes decisions pointless. It sounds like a nice idea and all, but an idea likely made up in hollywood.

So, in hindsight. I'm alone. I'll always be alone. The way that i'd like to share myself with other people, and would like to be shared with is nonexistant. These ideas of perfection have been planted in our minds and we all base our ideals off of that impression. Such is the way we are though, with our personalities largly reflecting things picked up in past experiences. Maybe someone will be there who will be able to enjoy this beautiful, intricate earth and life with me, but until then, I have me.

 

It's interesting the way we now have the ability to leave traces of ourselves viewable by all those with a computer. The other day i came across an old website i designed in jr high and was amazed at the details that were published  for the world. Then i quickly flashed through countless other journals, pictures, websites, communities all with my words and influences interlaced in their structure. Madness. I wonder what the future will look like with all of this excess junk floating around. Hopefully they'll make a separate interenet for Porn only so that all the useful information can be found by connecting here, all the horny teenagers enter here.

 

Speculations rooted in nothing. A reminder comes into the bus to give me a reminder that it is very easily done to appreciate someone, appreciate people without having to really know them or love them. It makes sense afterall because noone can every truly know another. Scratch Out.

B. Rake